I had an epiphany today.
I need to stop thinking of Lola in past terms. She was a dog social puppy, she's maturing into a dog selective/reactive young adult. This is something I tried my best to get around--I socialised her so much to other dogs when she was younger--but I need to stop thinking of how she used to be, and start thinking of how she is now.
So for now, no more encouraging her to go and play with other dogs (it can end with lots of snarls). I am going to work on self control exercises, and we are going to work toward her being able to ignore other dogs; when she can be near them without showing too much interest, we will work on making her more social.